Dan Brown Creative

To honor the birthplace of the biblical patriarchs and matriarchs, LeBron James will change his name to HeBron.

Once again LeBron James has done something amazing and we’re not talking about his Sunday night heroics against the Indiana Pacers when the reigning MVP racked up 40 points, 18 rebounds and nine assists, leading the Heat to a 101-83 victory.

This time the shocker didn’t happen on the basketball court. It happened in the locker room after the game when a reporter noticed the shooting star slipping on a gold chain with an inordinately large gold chai. The reporter, Michael Stein, was taken aback. “You’re Jewish?” he said to James. Continue Reading…

Coming of age in the turbulent 60s was mixed blessing. For many, it launched a life of activism—to end senseless war, to save a tree, to preserve endangered species, to fight for the rights of the underserved and underfunded, to reform government at every level; to make, in short, a meaningful difference.

Not to be outdone by the Arab Spring of 2011, Orthodox Jews take to the streets in protest.

But for others, the 60s led to exhaustion, to dropping out, to saying, “screw it all,” to accepting the corruption of Washington as too entrenched to dislodge. No more shoveling shit against the tide for them.

And then came the 70s. Men grew anti-establishment hair like the Beatles, but the exhausted among them allowed that hair to cover their eyes. Women, in growing numbers, entered the workforce and that commitment, coupled with the role of primary caregiver, left little time or energy to save the world as well. So we got Nixon a second time. And Vietnam v.2. And Watergate. And Reagan. And Iran-Contra. And “greed is good.”

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Millions of Jews are expected to be on hand for the drop of the two and half ton matzoh ball on Rosh Hashanah Eve in Times Square at 7:01 p.m. EST.

If you’re like so many other hard-drinking, resolution-making revelers, you love Times Square on New Year’s Eve, even when the temperatures plummet well below freezing. You love the heart-thumping music, the groping camaraderie, the wanton soup of total abandon that makes New York City the epicenter of one of life’s most buoyant and transcendent events.

But what would you say to all this merriment and more on an evening with temps so high you’re likely to see more than a few merrymakers going topless?

Well, that’s precisely what the organizers of the first Rockin’ Rosh Hashanah bash on the eve of the Jewish New year have in mind. “We’ve got an incredible evening planned—great music, mind-blowing pyrotechnics and a few surprises even for jaded New Yorkers,” said Sidney Feldman, owner of Sunset Productions, the company behind the event. So what might you expect?

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Who among us can say with absolutely certainty what happened in Biblical times? Who among us can say what wondrous events and wacky miracles might have happened before cell phone cameras could capture them, but nevertheless didn’t make it into the final draft of the Bible?

Consider the possibilities. A chance meeting between Jonah and Pinocchio inside the belly of the whale. Shivering, Jonah decides to dismember the wooden Pinocchio and turn him into a camp fire. The headline: “Wet and cold inside the belly of the whale, Jonah kindles a new friendship.” The inside payoff: “May you always enjoy the warmth of good friends. Happy Birthday!” Continue Reading…

New York, NY — Rosh Hashanah may not be on the radar for many Jews at this time of year, but that hasn’t deterred Temple Yawahna Bet’s Worship Committee from hiring ten new ushers, all of them former police officers with extensive HHSS (High Holiday Scam Squad) experience. Their mission: to minimize the scalping of Rosh Hashanah tickets, a rapidly growing problem, which ultimately forces the victims of the scam to pay significantly greater than retail prices to sit through High Holiday services.

No longer octogenarians, today’s typical High Holiday ticket scalper is young, agile and difficult to tackle.

In the past, keeping tabs on ticket scalpers required no special training. Offenders were generally the elderly, snowbirds who planned to depart for Florida to avoid the drudgery and deprivation of High Holiday services. As most people on fixed incomes, these seniors saw no ethical restriction against turning a small profit on tickets that would otherwise go unused.

The problem now is that these snowbirds are leaving for their winter homes even earlier than normal, well before the scalping season officially begins. As a result, they are enlisting the help of their children and grandchildren to scalp tickets. More often that not, these transactions are done during the final moments before services commence, when demand is highest. Continue Reading…

An old Jewish man just recovering from surgery asks his nurse, “Are my testicles black?” The set up for a dirty joke? So it would seem. But that’s not where I came out. In fact, I came out at the opposite end of the spectrum. I thought the joke—in part because you can easily imagine the teller being the patient—was absolutely charming. How did such a joke, involving sex, admittedly peripheral sex, between a nurse and an old Jewish man succeed in NOT being dirty? Simple. By adding an aspect of innocence, which immediately defuses any possible connection with lechery.

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Snowbird Jew celebrating Passunder, the funny alternative to Passover

While many of us look forward to the observance of Passover with all the eagerness of a child putting on his first set of water wings after fleeing the persecution and army of Pharaoh, many other Jews in the southern regions of our great country will also be observing a slightly more raucous but much less deadly—though admittedly more injury-prone—holiday. The funny Passover Seder alternative known as Passunder.

Yes, if you’re tired of all the blood, frogs, lice, flies, cattle disease, boils, hail, locusts, darkness and especially the death of the firstborn, then Passunder could be just what the doctor ordered. Just be sure to do plenty of stretching exercises beforehand. Otherwise the next thing the doctor will be ordering is X-rays and God knows what else.

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In a few words: not so much. Many greeting card companies today sell what they call funny Jewish birthday cards. Even the first and second largest greeting card companies in the world—Hallmark and American Greetings—have made attempts, albeit rather limited ones, to crack this niche humor market.

With Hallmark Jewish Birthday cards, this is as funny as it gets.

What's Jewish about smoking marijuana?

But what specifically are these companies selling?

On one hand, there are cards which are often beautifully illustrated and wonderfully designed. They feature Stars of David, menorahs, tallits and other objects of Jewish culture. But that’s as far as they go. There are no clever words. Nothing at all that surprises the recipient. Sure, it’s all good. But it’s all so expected too. Continue Reading…

Being a big kid myself, I’ve always loved the Muppets. But while “Matzoh Man,” based on the Village People’s iconic song “Macho Man,”— is cute, this Muppet’s Passover video brings smiles but little laughter.

Why? Because it offers no surprises. Everything about it is expected. Take the pun on “macho.” It’s so obvious any Jew familiar with the Village People’s music could have come up with it. Add to that the well-worn joke about the well-known “binding” problem of consuming excessive matzoh, coupled with the line “won’t let my people go,” (which could be seen coming from a mile away) and you end up with, sadly, a piece that’s pretty unimaginative overall. Continue Reading…